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“It’s Not You, It’s Me!”

If you’ve ever been in a relationship before, then you’ve either heard those words, or you know someone who has. Usually after one hears those words, they get a feeling of sadness, unworthiness and just a general feeling that somehow they are not “good enough”. While the person doling out those words probably really does not want to hurt the other person, they choose those words thinking it will somehow “soften the blow”.

Romantic relationships aside, how many times have you taken something someone said or did, personally? Did you hold on to bad feelings all day after someone cut you off on your morning commute? What about when a spouse or family member seems to have a short temper with you? Or how about when your friend doesn’t return your phone call quick enough, or even at all? What kind of thoughts go through your mind? You may get those same feelings of unworthiness or “something’s wrong” with YOU!

People tend to take too many things too personally. Often times, the guy or girl in traffic is not even thinking about you. They’ve got far too much more on their mind. They are late, or they have some sort of crisis. The underlying theme here is selfishness! Yes selfishness. As children we are self absorbed while we are learning our way around this great big world.

Eventually though, some or hopefully most of us grow out of that. But do we grow out of it all the way? Most times those irate people in traffic are just late getting somewhere. They are selfishly angry at you because they did not get on the road in enough time. If it was not you, it would be anybody who was in their way at the time. Therefore you MUST understand it is not a direct assault on you personally, nor is their tardiness your fault.

With the people you know, you’ve heard it before. “Oh, they are just having a bad day” Well surprise, we all have bad days! Some people are selfish about it and they want everyone to know about it. Again, that is not about “you”. Being selfish is normal to a degree. We are all unique individuals yet we all have a common desire. We want to be accepted.

Any time we feel like someone is not accepting of us we may go into a defensive mode. Realize that a defensive mode still has the qualities of us “not being good enough”. Any time you are confident in yourself you will have a better outlook towards everyone. Even their bad moods. A great outlook is like a coat of armour against any force trying to make you feel like you are lacking, in some way.

Never forget, that you can never really know what is going on in someone else’s head. No matter how long you’ve known them or how well you know them. Everyone thinks differently. Even about the same things. Shared opinions are even viewed differently by each person.

So understand that everyone’s thoughts are their own, and you do not have a crystal ball. No matter how much you try you will never know what they are really thinking. Even if they are thinking something personally about you, isn’t it really still about them?

So please, lighten up on people, even in their bad moods, and understand that it really isn’t you….It’s THEM!

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